solemn celebrations

It has been just over three months (three months and two days to be exact) since I last wrote.  Reviewing past posts has left me wondering how I can effectively connect the last post with the new things in my heart and my life's experiences in those past months.  It would be much like pulling an extension cord from inside my house to an outlet across the street in my neighbor's home.  I've had a season of tremendous heart wrenching, great joy, whirling questions, doubt, faith, deep healing, and answered prayers.  The path taken has been bumpy and the distance gone seems great, but I find myself today, standing at the edge of the horizon (that which once seemed impossible to find) of something new.  The only words I have to describe today are: "solemn celebration".

I am optimistically hopeful that things will be different and I am solemnly helping my dad prepare for a new phase of life.  I want to celebrate this moment, but for some reason I will have to reserve my kart-wheels for another day.  Quite simply, I will have to wait and see.  Don't get me wrong, him actually packing to go and preparing for a place that he will have to be in for over a year, on his own and by his own choice, is something to celebrate.  The fact that he is alive, is something to celebrate.  The changes I've seen in his heart are something to celebrate.  But he is not finished, nor has he "arrived."  So I reserve my unbridled enthusiasm for another day.  I thank God for the baby steps made and trust Him once again with everything.  I will sit back quietly and smile in my heart, knowing that I have learned many lessons about faith, hope, love, mercy, grace, and perseverance. I will cry when we pull away from his new home, and I will miss my dad.  Many things are in fact dying today, but in death there is life and in hope, faith is found.

I guess things can be summed up in this way:  We are at the end-zone setting up for a quick pass.  Tomorrow we will have scored some points, but it is just the first quarter of the game and it is anyone's game.  We will continue to play hard and take every opportunity to score, but we won't get the trophy or the ring until the game is over and won.

None of this may make sense if you don't know me and to those who do, you will completely understand.  All I know is that my soul needed ink and paper today and this seemed a fitting place...

thanks for "listening."